Satirical piece By Magnus Gump
Gordon Brown has announced his intention to step down as an MP at the next General Election. The man who is credited with saving the world after the 2008 financial crisis, has told his local constituency of his plan to retire from front line politics.
Brown, who replaced his colleague Tony Blair as PM after years of plotting against his friend and rival, is set to concentrate on his charity work which includes jetting around the globe making lucrative speeches.
In September this year the former Prime Minister played a key role in helping to dupe Scottish voters into voting No in the independence referendum. Brown’s barnstorming speech in front of Labour activists was replayed regularly by the BBC as the No campaign looked likely to lose the referendum race.
Commenting on Brown's decision, BBC Scotland head Ken MacQuarry spoke of his respect for the Labour MP and of his sadness that Brown had decided to call it a day.
Speaking to the Ponsonby Post, MacQuarry said: “I have voted Labour all my adult life and am genuinely saddened to see Gordon call it a day.
"I first met Gordon when he worked at STV before he entered full time politics. We remained close friends and when he phoned up during the last weeks of the referendum campaign and asked if BBC Scotland would broadcast his speech to the nation, we jumped at the opportunity.”
BBC Scotland reporter Glen Campbell was fulsome in his praise for the former Labour leader.
He said: “Gordon was one of the big beasts of Scottish politics and the only Labour politician capable of matching Alex Salmond.”
Campbell recalled being given advice by Brown when a junior reporter at the beeb.
He recalled: “I was a cub reporter and one day found myself nervously interviewing the great man. However he could see I was nervous and suggested I ask questions he had prepared for. The interview became effortless as he smiled throughout.
“I later learned that Brown took the time to ensure every reporter at BBC Scotland received a list of preferred questions. Gordon was like that, always thinking about others.
“He’ll be sorely missed at BBC Scotland. Jim Murphy has big boots to fill.”
In a statement released tonight, a Labour party spokesperson said: “Gordon has represented his constituents for longer than most of them deserved, he has earned a break and his lucrative MP's pension.
"He worked tirelessly to ensure his constituents continued to reject the SNP, the Labour party will now concentrate on selecting a candidate who will match Gordon’s selfless commitment to the constituency.”
In a statement for the SNP, a spokesman said: “We wish Gordon Brown well in his retirement. We will make sure people never forget his role in the Better Together campaign and his promises of Home Rule if Scots voted No.”
A special tribute to Gordon Brown 'The Greatest Story Ever Told' will be broadcast by BBC Scotland this Christmas. The two hour special will be presented by veteran BBC Scotland presenter Jackie Baird and will follow a special Christmas Message from Mr Brown on Christmas day at 3pm.
Related Article: How Gordon Saved The Union